Canadian Hockey Robots

[opalsong]

I don't understand.  I don't write.  Almost ever.  Seriously, the last time I wrote that wasn't Yuletide was in June. And before that was in Highschool!  Can this BE my Yuletide? It's long enough -_-  Whatever.  Here, have over a thousand words of Hockey RPF.

Alll the blame for this is on @BessyBoo

Ok so. Bessyboo and I were talking and even when she just trying to
get me into the Hockey RPF fandom we both agreed that a Canadian Hockey
Robots AU should exist.

I never write, what is this!?

So maybe Canada is doing badly? (research) or the Olympics are coming up. Or….

So
there’s this physicist and his girlfriend.  He specializes in robots
and his girlfriend is a programmer.  They’re both really good at what
they do. They also both REALLY love hockey.  Which isn’t a problem most
of the time. But you can only play against each other for so long before
that gets kinda tedious.  I’m thinking they live on a huge plot of land
in northern Manitoba or something. No real people around for the most
part.  And really, most of the time this is awesome.  She works from
home (except for occasional client meetings or something) and he builds
his robots in peace (and gets huge grants for them? I don’t know).  But
in any case, they’re both really happy EXCEPT for the lack of hockey. 

So
one day, robot dude (dude needs a name… He’s now dubbed Francis.  Might
as well get her name over with too. Hmmmm. Monique? Sure. I’m sure you
could find out the boys real parents’ names and use them cleverly here
but part of why I’m writing this this is to avoid doing research so you
get made up stuff.  I tried to make them sound French-Canadian?)  In any
case! One day Francis gets the idea to build a robot to play hockey
with them.  Monique is highly in favour of this and begins building a
hockey playing code.  But one of them realizes fairly early on that one
robot isn’t really fair to the robot and won’t make for good 2 on 2
matches and they’ll have the same problem as they so now only with a
person on the sidelines SO the solution is obviously to build TWO hockey
robots (not, you know, to move somewhere with a thriving amateur hockey
community or anything).  Now there are two hockey robots in the works.

All
is going well.  In fact it keeps going well, up to and including when
they turn the robots on for their first match.  The only slight hiccup
is how to keep the circuits from freezing.  And the answer is obviously
to give them a layer of “skin” and “fat” (not very much of this
admittedly) to cushion falls and to keep the circuitry warm.  Francis
has made eerily human-like robots before for some random people (also
the government?) so they know how to go about this.  They’ve never been
quite right though, and honestly these aren’t his best work at the
start.  I mean, really, their meant to play hockey against.

Monique on the other hand has included a learning program in her code because what use are they if they can’t adapt.

The
start-up goes amazing. As to the first couple of years.  Thing is
though, they actually keep these robots on pretty much all the time.  At
first it was because OMG!HOCKEY!!!1!!!!  And if asked it is still
because the start-up sequence takes too long when they want to play. 
But really? They both like having the dudes around.  They’re kind of
endearing.

And the thing is, the learning program that Monique
wrote for hockey is being applied to other things too.  Both of them
are growing personalities, not very expressive or nuanced ones but
they’re there!  Eventually, for Christmas one year Francis takes them
both offline and redoes their bodies slightly.  When they wake up they
are the most realistic robots ever to be made (also, it’s august, which
is startling).  Francis had decided that if he was going for realism
that he was going to go all out.  Which means they have all the
functions of humans, all of them ;)  Not that the robots really care. 
They were built for hockey, being able to bleed only makes it more
realistic.

By this point all four of our protagonists are in
denial.  Francis and Monique are still ignoring the fact that they
basically have two kids and Jonothan and Sidney are ignoring that they
are even kinda human.  Eventually though something has to move the plot
forward, they can’t just be an amazing hockey-loving weird family unit
in northern Manitoba forever.  I think maybe one day Monique and Francis
take the boys to Winnipeg to see an actual hockey game.  Knowing
nothing about actual hockey (despite living in Canada J
I’m super proud. Hockey fandom why you gotta ruin that for me) I don’t
know how any of this would happen.  But maybe after the game the
robo-family plays a friendly match at a nearby rink? Or something?
 Somehow, though, both Jonothan and Sidney are seen by someone in the
know.  As in, someone who either is a recruiter or knows a recruiter, or
something.  Point is, they get offers.  None of our weird protagonist
family knows what to do (other than be grateful for the upgrades from a
couple of years ago).  But playing really hockey is a dream both boys
have. The only dream really.  At this point there’s probably a huge
breakdown scene which ends with Francis and Monique admitting that
Jonothan and Sindey are the kids they never had and Jonothan and Sidney…
ok they probably don’t admit they are more human than they think but
I’m sure they do admit that they want to play hockey.  WANT.  That’s
huge for a robot (even though it isn’t really because they’ve been all
but human for a while).

So both of them are recruited.  And then
canon happens?  I don’t actually know that much about the prior to
current timeline of these guys so. Yeah.  Somehow, canon happens.  I’m
sure there are a number of hijinks that are based off of the boys being
robots and NO ONE CAN KNOOOOOOOW.  Then they end up where they are
today.  And from there someone else should write it because I’m kinda
out of ideas.  Also, someone should write this whole story.  (Spoiler,
it ends with Geno and Kaner finding out that Jonothan and Sidney are
robots but not before there is mutual falling in love (which is really
confusing when you are a robot and you don’t admit to having emotions
other than hockey) and Geno and Kaner get their respective boys to
lighten up and admit that they have feelings and are pretty human. 
Maybe there’s angst because the robot things gets out? Francis and
Monique get HUGE amounts of money but it looks like Jonothan and Sidney
will never be able to play hockey again?  That’s not a great plot line
because I don’t see HOW they would ever be able to play hockey again….
But happily ever after happens at the end! Lots of hockey!  And Francis
and Monique threatening to send the couples baby robots in the mail.)